Money! Never Enough?

Money can make you or break you—even if you have a good income.

It’s been said that financial problems are the number one cause of marital breakups and family disintegration.

Of course, many working U. S. citizens can’t even earn enough to live-on these days—which is rooted in bad national economic policies—which also then results in family and marital instability.  (When will politicians get this?)  But that is an entirely different topic altogether.

The sad fact is that even when there is a steady livable working income, families may still be heading toward financial disaster.  Why?

For one, our consumer economy teaches us from childhood that we can never have enough of a good thing and should never be satisfied with what we already have.

We are taught to want more and are encouraged to indulge ourselves.  We owe it to ourselves, we’re told.  We deserve it, they say.  And, we should have it NOW, commercials often ending with: “Call right now.  Don’t wait!”  We’re trained to expect, want, and demand immediate gratification and to believe that we can, and should, HAVE-IT-ALL!

Result?  As a society, we lack healthy financial boundaries.  We subconsciously learn to resist proper financial discipline and avoid financial accountability for the sake of total self-gratification.   And we begin to assume that we have the right to posses, exploit, and consume any and all resources, natural or otherwise, to that end.

This attitude affects all economic classes—upper, lower, and middle.  It is also a core reason why the top one-percenters, in our present economic system, justify their position, believing they have a God-given right to amass the great wealth that they have and to control most of the money that flows within the system.  We really all have the same mentality, the same mindset when it comes to money—get rich, if you can, to live how you want, buy what you want, and do as you want.

This attitude affects our politics.  A politician that promises to gives us what we want and promises to deliver it when we want it—which is always RIGHT NOW!—will have our vote.  (Hence, e.g., a Donald Trump becomes the presumptive Republican nominee for president because he promises to “Make America Great Again” (seemingly overnight), if elected.  And, for most Americans, especially for Donald Trump, “greatness” simply means more money, wealth and riches.)

This attitude affects our relational commitments: “You don’t satisfy me anymore; I want out of the relationship.”  “The kids are too time-consuming and too needy, I’m out of here.”  “This work is too hard and demanding; I quit.”  It affects our personal growth: “I would have done better in that class, but the professor actually expected us to read two books during the semester AND write a weekly journal.  Imagine that!”

It’s an attitude that says, everything should come to me fast and easy, and exactly tailored to my tastes and wants.  It’s an attitude that says that I should NOT have to work very hard for the things I want in life.  It’s an attitude that says, “I deserve the best, whether I earned it or not.”  Or, “I deserve honor and recognition, whether or not I’ve actually accomplished something and/or truly improved my skills and abilities or talents.”  It’s an attitude that says, “It’s all about me.”

So, how can a family stay afloat financially (assuming that there is sufficient income to make a living) within a culture of economic greed, selfishness, and immaturity?

First: keep it real and do the math.

Five minus four equals one.  Five minus seven equals negative two.  Realistically face the difference between your income and your expenses.  Add your income and subtract your expenses to know where you stand.  Many families and individuals fail to do this basic fundamental step (Reality Check avoidance?).  And thus, they run into financial trouble from the get-go.

What this means practically speaking is becoming intentionally aware of one’s income, expenses, cash flow, level of indebtedness, and net worth.  To some this may sound difficult to do, but it’s really not.  Anyone who can pass the fourth grade has the ability to learn how to do this.  What is really required here is the desire to “get real” about one’s financial status.

Second: make the use of money a head thing, not a heart thing.

Money is a very emotional thing.  So, for example, many of us buy things because of the mood we’re in rather than because of a need we have to take care of.  We don’t “need” to make that purchase, we “want” to make the purchase because it will make us feel better—a feeling that will last perhaps as long as a day, usually no longer than it takes to get the item home.

Third: be transparent about money with your close loved one(s).

If you’re hiding money spending habits, there is a problem.  Don’t hide, don’t run, but openly address money spending habits and desires with your loved one(s), spouse and/or family.  It’s not unlike the use of the name Voldemort in the Harry Potter series.  The more you refuse to identify and name it, the more power you give to it—negative destructive power.  Defuse the power the money may have over you by talking openly about it with your loved one(s). 

In short, moving toward monetary financial health may also mean moving toward personal emotional or psychological (even spiritual) health.  Or another way of saying it is this: Though we all need money to “make a living,” money is not the source of happiness.  Something else is.  We need to get in touch with what that “something else” IS.  When we learn to find the true source of inner, personal, and spiritual or psychological wholeness, money management and financial stability will be a synch in comparison.  But the two are often intertwined.  It’s difficult to work on inner development with financial woes hanging over one’s head.  Yet, in order to tackle financial woes properly, one must also be ready to take a serious look at one’s inner life.  It takes growth, maturity, courage, and will.