We all have dreams. Especially when we are young; but how many dreams become reality?
Reality Bites!
The young fresh dreamer is ready to conquer the world and then some. He believes! S/he says, “Yes! Yes I can. I will. I must! The world is before me. I can have it all, and I will. It’s ‘do or die’.”
The tired, the old, the defeated, say, “Forget it, won’t happen, can’t be done. Get real!”
Who’s right? The crotchety old sour-faced fuddy-duddy with bitter spirit, or the starry-eyed idealist who believes s/he will conquer the world? Which one is more in touch—with Reality?
Perhaps neither is. None of us can or will ever ‘do it all’ or ‘have it all.’ So, what is success? What does it actually mean to ‘make it’ in life? It depends. Perhaps the following principles may be of help?
To be successful in life
1. First be true—to self. Then be true to others. Know who you are. Especially know what kind of person you are becoming. Know how you affect other people and why they react to you the way they do. This presumes good healthy and keen self-awareness. We change. That’s a given. Choose to change for the better. We also remain the same. Keep what is good, your strengths. Know what makes you tick—the good, the bad, and the indifferent—and then deal with it accordingly. Change what needs changing but always remain true to your core being. Overall, seek to leave this world a better person.
2. Act, don’t just Re-act. Take charge. Choose. Yes, there are many, many events, circumstances, and dynamics over which we have little control. But we control self. No one makes us sour, we choose to be sour. No one makes us grateful, we choose to be grateful. No one makes us quit. We choose to quit. Take ownership of self. You and only you are responsible for self. Be pro-active. Take the first step. Move on and move forward. Don’t wait for a shove or push. Go. And do.
3. While you are going, look. See where you’re heading. Get perspective. Look over the horizon. Anticipate twists and turns and forks in the road before you get to them. Develop foresight. Create a map. Know where you are heading, where you want to be when you get there, but most importantly know why you want to get there in the first place. What you will do, once you arrive. (This is not as easy as it sounds. Many of us are self-deceived and have hidden motives, which we will often unconsciously avoid coming to terms with.)
4. Count the cost. Time, money, energy, family and friends, and other relationships and resources, are all part of the cost. There’s always a cost to pursuing one’s dream. And that is often the first hurdle. Five hours spent in one activity means five hours less in another. Many simply will not pay the cost and thus will never fulfill their dream. Sacrifices are necessary in the pursuit of any dream or goal in life.
5. Respect time. Time is neither a friend nor an enemy. In one sense, you have all the time in the world. In another sense, you have only now, today, this hour, this very minute. In short, you have no idea how much total time you really have in life. So use your time wisely, but don’t serve time. Speed up and slow down as needed. Pace yourself. Eat, sleep, work, play—it all takes time. So find balance in your spending of time. Time well spent is always a great feeling: catch up on sleep, play with your children, relax with friends, accomplish a fruitful task, or simply sit and meditate. No one single activity should have a corner on the market of time—especially the so-called “time is money” view of time! The time-is-money mantra will cheat you of so many other deeper and richer uses of time (unless money itself is your god).
6. Develop a plan. Learn. Understand what is needed and wanted in order to make the plan work. Tweak it. Modify and renew it. Trash it and start over if necessary. Nevertheless, create a plan and use it. All good builders follow a blueprint. Oh yes, and fit that plan to a time-table. Good planning includes good timing.
7. Say “No” when necessary. You are kind and generous. You are polite and giving. You are supportive and caring. You are service oriented. Thus, you will be used. And that’s quite acceptable within limits. Give, serve, and do for others. But avoid becoming an extension of someone else’s life, doing someone else’s agenda, living for someone else’s game plan. Sharing is good, entering into partnerships on the pathway toward life-fulfillment is even better (e.g., marriage). But living solely to fulfill someone else’s life or dream or goal in life can be deadening—unless, of course, that is your self-defined purpose or goal in life (sort of like being Don Quixote’s Poncho).
8. And finally, stay grounded. Be Real. For, when all is said and done, it’s actually more about the journey than the destiny. Whether you’ve succeeded or not, in reaching your goals, accomplishing your dreams, completing your agenda, the critical issue is what has become of you in the process, in the attempt.
And here we are, back to the first point: YOU. In the end, it’s not about what you have done, or about how much money you’ve made, or about how famous or infamous you’ve become in the annals of history. It’s about who you have become. What kind of person has the journey made of you? Learn this in life and you will have had quite a successful one.
Footnote: this eight point list says nothing about God or our relationship with God. But the working assumption is that God created us for this very reason: to become fully human (in the best sense of the term) and to succeed in becoming all that He intended us to be.
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