I am immensely enjoying being a grandparent, much more than being a parent. Why? Well, it’s more fun and less stressful. But most of all, I am older and wiser and therefore much more patient and understanding. I now have the luxury of truly being focused on the child.
Okay, I don’t have the kids 24/7. That takes away much of the stress right there. And even when our grandchild does come over for the day, the caretaking is shared with my wife—who carries the larger share of the childcare burden. So, I’ve got it pretty nice. That means that most of the time I spend with my granddaughter is free time, fun time, relational time, which means quality time. And that’s what makes it nice.
I recently took my two year old granddaughter to McDonalds. It’s been a while since I’ve been there. I discovered that they still sell “Happy Meals.” (Apparently they’re supposed to be more nutritious nowadays.) It was our first McDonalds trip together, just me and my granddaughter.
We sat. We ate. She had chicken nuggets with sweet & sour sauce, apple juice, and fries. She willingly sat in the high chair, took a few bites of the nuggets, first carefully dipping it in the sauce, and drank some of her juice. Then she looked around and noticed the indoor playground. The meal was over. We were in the enclosed play area with an indoor jungle gym with two huge tubular slides. The minute she took this in and realized what it was, she was clearly done eating. She wanted to play. And that was fine by me. That’s why I took her there in the first place.
So I got up, took her out of her high chair and set her down on the floor and let her go at it. Of course, I followed her. At two years, she was a bit too small for the big tubular slides, but she was big enough to get up on the lower base level, which she promptly did. I watched as she watched the other kids go up and down and climb around. She was delighted. She also enjoyed climbing up onto the stationary swivel chairs that were permanently attached to the eating tables. She tried several that were at various empty tables.
I just watched. And that’s the thing. I just watched. I was focused on enjoying her enjoying herself. I was delighted by her delight. As I mentioned there were other kids there too, with their parents. I especially noticed this one couple with their two boys. All the parents there were keeping watch over their children, including this couple. But they were also multitasking, especially this one couple: on their cell phones or iPads, surfing the web, texting, dialing, communicating, taking care of business, or doing whatever while watching their kids.
In other words, the kids were in their peripheral vision, secondary, given partial attention. I can’t and don’t blame them. As a parent, I was the same, would be still doing the same. But, as a grandparent, I had the privilege and the luxury of giving my granddaughter my full attention. Yes, I had my iPhone with me. And I did use it. I used it to take a couple of quick photos of my granddaughter on the jungle-gym. What freedom, what luxury!! To be able to just enjoy the joy of my granddaughter at play without having to multitask and try getting other necessary business out of the way—that is the joy of being a grandparent.
Our American lifestyle causes many families to break up and move apart. Grandparents live miles and miles away from their grandchildren. Adult siblings also live miles apart from each other, cousins rarely see each other, but for the holidays. What a shame. I could see how my grandchild benefits greatly from living near her grandparents on both sides. The parents have it that much easier as well: for one, there is free baby sitting available on a regular bases, or especially when there is an immediate need in a crunch.
I am now convinced more than ever of our need for extended family—it takes a village. If one’s biological family is not nearby, there should be other connections made in one’s church or synagogue, for example, that could make up for the loss. It seems that our society is losing the value of the extended family, beyond the nuclear family unit. We need real community, connecting the young with the elderly, giving parents freedom to get away and be away, with confidence, from their kids, allowing for extended family relations (who do have the time) to give focused attention to their growing children. Not all of us should be on the fast track. Many grandparents (or other mature elderly types) have the freedom and are able to make time in a busy week to give that wonderful attention to children that they long for. For, as the saying goes, they grow up fast, and soon enough they will neither need nor want such focused attention.
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