To live is to suffer. Yes, life hurts. There is pain and agony. For some it is persistent, seemingly without end. For others it is sporadic, a bit here, a little there. Persistent and regular, sporadic or random, no one escapes it. It is a fact of life. Reality bites. There will always be pain. Only when your heart stops beating will you no longer face more pain.
Thus, it is not a question of how to avoid it; for that is impossible. It is a question of how to deal with it. What to do in the face of hardship, pain and suffering?
Perhaps we should first consider what not to do.
We should not ignore or avoid it. Or, if necessary, only for a short period of time. Running away from the inevitable is like holding your breath until you either faint or die. You’ve got to breathe to live. Likewise, you also have to accept and face the pain that comes your way in order to truly live. There is no getting around this. People who avoid and run from painful situations and occurrences in their lives are stunted; they have failed to learn how to cope and grow.
We should not turn towards immediate numbing solutions. Physically speaking, yes, it’s a good thing that doctors are able to prescribe painkillers and are able to “put us under” when undergoing major surgery, for example. Nevertheless, this approach should not automatically be extended to mental, emotional, or spiritual pain. Escaping such pain by numbing it, as in turning to substance abuse or unreality and wishful thinking only makes things worse in the end—self destruction. Pain serves as a signal that something is wrong. That something that lies beneath the pain is what needs the real attention; and it needs to be adequately addressed and dealt with, if the real pain is to be alleviated.
We should not turn toward self-recrimination, self-blame. We all mess up. We often hurt ourselves as much as we hurt others, if not more so. Beating ourselves up internally and turning towards self-loathing only makes things worse. We cause pain to others and others cause pain to us. It’s called being human. Accepting responsibility for our actions is one thing. Self-flagellation and self-hatred is another thing altogether. Don’t go there.
So what to do?
Call on God. Speaking of going it alone, you only have two choices with respect to your approach toward a “Higher Power.” (1) There is no Higher Power, in which case we humans are in fact alone and on our own. Or (2) there is a Higher Power; which is to say, God is, and God is there for us, with us, loving us and sustaining us. Seek God’s strength, power, love, and intimacy. Seek to be transformed and enlightened in the process. “Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you.” – Jesus
Get in touch. There are others who have had or are dealing with the same type of trauma, pain, sorrow and heart-ache that you now face. Parents who have a child caught up in drug addiction, women who are dealing with breast cancer, men facing the prospect of an amputation. Find that community of people who are dealing with what you now have to face. They will be more than happy to accompany you in the journey. Especially include immediate family members you trust—spouse, children, siblings, etc. Do not go-it-alone.
Channel your resources and your inner being to meet the challenge. Money, education, good health, your faith community, social networks, a sense of humor, faith, hope, and love, etc. In other words, count your blessings; but turn these blessings into practical use. Apply these resources (blessings) in ways that help you deal with your hardship, to help you get through it. When faced with painful and heartbreaking events in our lives, we often make the fatal mistake of withdrawing from, dismissing the very blessings that are there to help us. Rather, we need to accept and embrace the resources/blessings that we do have. It may take courage and effort to do so, but so be it. It’s part of the process in the journey toward peace, equanimity, and growth.
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