When Judging Others is Wrong

Quit judging me!  You’re so judgmental!  Judge not, lest you be judged!

These are defensive statements, often told to someone that we feel has become too critical and judgmental of us.

None of us like being judged by others.  It is offensive and we are quite taken aback by anyone who would presume to stand as judge over us.  In short, we extremely dislike judgmental people.  But we encounter such all the time.  Indeed, we are often guilty of the same—if we are truly honest with ourselves.

To be clear, we must first note that there is a significant difference between work-related judgment and the judgment of one’s person.  A common phrase for work-related judgment is called “being evaluated.”

When one is judged for one’s work, one’s skills and actions are being evaluated for quality results, in light of pre-set standards and expected outcomes.  Results are measured against desired ends or goals.  Judgment at this level is a good thing.  For it helps us to learn and to see where we need skill improvement or knowledge build-up, not to mention the obvious—to determine whether or not we are successfully producing the intended results that we set out to accomplish in the first place.  All of us—whatever work, profession, or job/task we have embraced—do well to accept judgment of this kind.

Personal judgment, on the other hand, has an altogether different focus.  Whereas evaluative judgment is focused outwardly, on one’s actions, personal judgment is inwardly focused, judging one’s personhood so as to determine one’s personal value; it is the sizing up of one’s character and worth as a person, and is often coupled with the judgment of one’s motives behind one’s action—that is, also judging one’s reason (justification) for being and reason for doing.  This is where we are most offended and become most fearful of other’s judgment of us.

Why do we fear this level of personal judgment?  Well, for one, we are already insecure and unsure of ourselves in this area.  That is, somehow all of us seem to have a nagging suspicion that we really don’t “make the grade” when it comes to justifying our reason for being: are we really worthy, do we really have personal value—do I have the right to take up space on this planet earth as compared to others—am I significant, important, needed and wanted?

Another reason why we fear this level of personal judgment is the fact that most of us can think of someone or some group or other, who would, if given the chance, jump at the opportunity to denounce us as invaluable and unworthy and would even like to erase us off the face of this planet.  (You don’t think so?  If you are an American, how do you interpret radical extremists who chant “Death to America”?  Or how about those who show disdain to someone simply because they have the wrong skin color or speak the wrong language, etc., etc.)

A third reason we fear this kind of judgment is that we are familiar with it in ourselves, often guilty of doing the same to others, easily ignoring or dismissing those we deem inferior to us, those for whom we have no personal sympathy care or concern.  In short, we are fellow participants and we know what it means.  We just don’t want to be on the wrong side of it.

We also fear this kind of judgment because it is a means of attack, a deliberate attempt to make us feel small and little.  The one exercising such judgment over us usually wants to drive home the idea of our insignificance in thick palpable terms.  And if done so effectively enough, others may agree and also turn against us.

Personal judgment is, more often than not, subjective and relationally driven.  That is, if the relationship is good between you and the one doing the judging, you’re not so worried, you relax and are confident that you will not be cruelly judged and unfairly criticized.  On the other hand, if the relationship is bad, then your defenses are up and your personal radar is working overtime to detect any sign of biased, subjective, and unjust criticism or denouncement of you, which you are sure will come.

In the end, who, if anyone, has the right to determine our worth?  Who shall declare me a good or a bad person, a valuable or a worthless person?  Who are you, who is she, him, who are they to judge me as a person?  What right does anyone have to judge me at such a level?  Yet, at some point, at some time in our life, we will have to come face to face with this kind of final judgment, if you will, of our lives: Did we live well, do well; did our lives mean very much.  Did we have value and add value to others? 

In effect, only God is capable of that kind of judgment—to handle it fairly, justly, and without personal bias.  Perhaps it is in this light that Jesus says: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”  [Matthew 7:1-2]