As a male, I will never fully understand or be able to fully empathize with a woman’s perspective. There is no unisex, there are men and there are women, and we are different. Nevertheless, whether male or female, all humans understand the need for personal safety and assume the right to have their personal boundaries and their dignity and honor respected.
Yet, as a male, I also recognize that women all over the world are generally given no fair share of the respect that they should have a right to expect. A mere casual look at the state of women in the world as a whole should confirm this statement. All over the world women are beaten by their husbands, used by men, overworked, underpaid, and relegated to second class status in terms of power and influence, economic freedom and independent decision making processes. It’s an undeniable reality and a fact: women (and girls—teens) are regularly abused and sexually objectified and victimized by men.
It is no wonder that Michael Sanguinetti’s remark sparked a rage reaction that turned into defiant international demonstrations called SlutWalk! This is what he said: “I’ve been told I’m not supposed to say this, however, women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.” He said this while speaking to a law class at the University of Toronto. Talk about a classic foot in mouth statement! I understand that he did apologize later. Still, the cat was let out of the bag and the damage done.
This SlutWalk movement, if we can call it that, is fraught with multiple layers of issues: sexuality and sexual expression and sexual norms, gender relations and gender equality, social norms and social justice, religion and ethics, freedom of speech, and so forth. That is, it’s not about what it’s about, as if it were merely a question of the way a woman is free or not free to dress. The dress statement was simply a catalyst, igniting a much deeper social, political, cultural, and religiously explosive dynamic.
It would be too simplistic to say that ALL women are angry and that ALL men are clueless. But that’s how it seems. Still, it should be safe to say that we do have a problem. We men and women have a problem with each other. We’re apparently still at war. The battle of the sexes is not over. We are not acting like partners in this world. We’re acting like enemies on opposite sides of a field, winner takes all. And that’s our mistake. With such an approach, one side loses while the winning side just buys time before the losing side attempts a counter attack to regain the upper hand. And so, the war goes on.
Even religious faith and dogma (and not just in Christianity) has been used and continues to be used as a justification to keep women in a second class, lower status position under male dominance. Again, it is no wonder that women are so angry.
So, let us keep in mind the following realities while we engage with, and tackle these issues:
First: We are connected. Remember the point of the Butterfly Effect? Nature, life, people, we are all interconnected. Directly or indirectly, what I do does in fact affect you. What you do will indeed affect me. Therefore, no man or woman actually has an unqualified and absolute right to say “I have a right to do whatever I want because it’s my life to live as I want.” We are social beings connected and interconnected to other human beings—parents to children, grandparents to grandchildren, siblings to each other, teacher and student relationships, employer and employee relationships, etc. etc. Thus, all human beings must take into account the effect that their actions will have on other human beings—in terms of what they do and say, and yes, even in terms of how one may dress.
Second: This is not a perfect world. Evil is real. Bad people do bad things. There are thugs and robbers, murderers and rapists, racists and bigots, and haters and destroyers of everything that is good and right. Let’s not be naïve. Yes, we may have the right to walk the city streets at night alone and unprotected and dress anyway we want, but in some streets it is just downright stupid to do so. We must be realistic and smart about our personal freedoms, our rights and privileges, as to when, where, and how we express them.
Third: All societies and cultures have their set of norms, social rules and expectations as to how people ought to act and behave both in public and private places. Rules and norms may change and be modified over time but they are always there. Generally speaking, it is always safer to stay within these norms than to stretch or break them. One should be quite clear and self-aware when one pointedly chooses to break social norms. It may be “cutting edge” behavior, “pushing the envelope” as it were, but that’s all the more reason why one should also expect strong reactions and not look for total sympathy and/or respect when you do deliberately disregard generally accepted rules of behavior and etiquette.
Fourth: All human beings have to answer to someone. This is similar to the first principle (we are connected). We are accountable for our actions. None of us are absolutely free to do whatever we want. If it hurts, destroys, damages, misleads or misdirects others, oppresses or causes harm to another person, we are responsible and must be held accountable for our actions and our words. And it’s a two way street. There are such things as “temptation,” “seduction,” “inducement,” “allurement,” and “entrapment.” All actions have their motive and purpose—intention; therefore all actions must be held to account.
Fifth: All human beings are sacrosanct. We owe it to each other to honor and respect one another, men and women, men toward women and women toward men. This means respecting personal boundaries, physically and relationally, respecting another’s personal space—body and mind, emotion and spirit— so that “Do not touch me,” means exactly that, and “No!” means stop. Slavery is over. We do not have the right to command, control, or force others to do our bidding against their will, as if we own them.
Sixth: It is a Power issue. Men use their greater physical strength, social, political and even religious power to continue to dominate women around the world. This is why many women are “up in arms” and see this as a “fight.” They want justice, freedom, and a share in the power.
As to the specific question of one’s clothing, consider this: if dress were really neutral, why do we have such sayings as “Dress for success” or “This is a black tie event”? We dress certain ways for weddings and funerals and other ways for special events and occasions like a Beach party or Halloween party, for example. So yes, the way we dress always conveys something of a social statement and seeks to elicit response—has impact.
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