Critique of the Self-Made Man/Woman

Self-made, are you?

Americans take pride in self-made types: the do-it-yourself, go-it-alone, I-did-it-my-way guy, especially when it comes to money, as in the self-made millionaire.

But what exactly does it mean to be self-made?

No helping hand, no guidance, no assistance or support or instruction from others along the way, is that what it means?  I doubt it.

My guess is that it would be safe to say that the greatest of men or women were those who were NOT isolated or alone in the making.  They connected or bonded with someone special in their lives.  And they were most likely lovingly mentored.

Indeed, most biographies of great men and women will often point to a special someone in their lives giving encouragement—inspiring, motivating, and/or instilling hope in them.  They were NOT alone.   There was someone there, cheering them on, routing for them, believing in them, providing moral support, if not actual guidance and direction.

And there is no shame in that.  Indeed, anyone with good sense would consider it an honor to receive that kind of focus and attention towards one’s personal development by another.

The point is that we need to value more the very idea and practice of mentoring.

As a society, we value personal growth.  We acknowledge the importance of personal development and maturity.  (At least I assume and hope that we do.)  But we also value our independence and our freedom to “be myself.”  So much so that we may ignore the fact that to become one’s true SELF actually requires meaningful input from significant others; and here is where quality input from a valued mentor becomes extraordinarily valuable.

We need mentoring or some kind of guidance and instruction along the way of upward growth and constructive development.   Here’s why.

For one, we learn who we are by engaging with others, bumping into, responding to, reacting to, and/or imitating the other with whom we closely identify; consciously or subconsciously accepting or rejecting their values and practices along the way.  That is, we develop within a social relational context.

Secondly, we don’t always see what we need to see without someone holding a mirror up to us.  That is, we also learn to know our selves’ best when others mirror back to us what they see in us, good, bad or indifferent.  Obviously, it is best to learn the hard truth about ourselves from someone who loves us, having our best interest in mind.  Authentic love is not afraid to tell us what’s wrong with us, what we may be doing wrong, where our weaknesses lie.  We shouldn’t be averse to hearing it from such a person either.  It’s for our own good—development.

Thirdly, we can’t possibly always anticipate and know what it is that we need to know, or where to get that knowledge or info when we discover that there is a flagrant gap in our experiential/knowledge base.  Very few of us, if any, are trailblazers in knowledge; others have gone before us and know the way to get there.  This is where real guidance and direction is helpful.  For example, there is a reason why all good athletes have excellent coaches.  There is no sense in re-inventing the wheel considering that someone has already “been there/done that” before us.

This is just a short list as to why we need input/mentoring from others when aspiring to do well in developing into solid human beings of value and significance.  This of course presumes willingness on our part: that we are humble and teachable, for example, and are able to invite others into our personal lives to get under our skin and to provide constructive criticism, trusting them to have our best interest in mind.

Because, in the end, our truest value and worth actually does not come from the amount of money we make and leave behind, or in the number of awards we may have won in our careers, or in the many titles we have earned to attach to our name.  Rather, our truest value is in the many people we have touched in an enduring and positive way because of who we ourselves have become.