Stress is inevitable. However, the good news about that is that, in the same way that a certain amount of muscle tension is good for healthy muscles, likewise a certain amount of stress in one’s life is good for the living. It means you are alive, active, and engaged. And that is a good thing. But, the bad news is that most of us are living under way too much stress these days. How can we reduce our stress level or is it even possible?
Stress is a reaction response. That is to say that stress is not a thing in and of itself, as if stress is a disease or substance that has attacked your body, mind, and spirit. Rather, something else is going on; stress is a physical and/or psychological reaction to some stimuli, event, action, occurrence, info, which then results in a stressful response.
For example: We lost track of time, we are now going to be late for work. Result: we are stressed. Now driving to work becomes acutely stressful—because of slow drivers and red lights and school bus stoppings and unexpected roadblocks and detours, making our being late to work all the more pronounced and thus more stressful—or so we think.
There are many things in life that bring about stress. Ill-health and/or physical pain, relational and/or emotional abuse, people abusing their position of power and control over us, financial debt, wayward children. I could go on; you get the picture. As the saying goes, “bleep happens.” It’s our response that makes the difference.
I’m still learning myself. Like most of us, I all too easily let stress get the better of me, knowing that it doesn’t have to. That’s right. It doesn’t have to. Here’s what I’ve learned over the years about overcoming stress in one’s life.
Truth: What happens IN me is within MY control. That is, I need not succumb to feelings that seem uncontrollable. I need not become a slave to my emotions. I must own that I am in charge of my inner life and that I can and should take control of my emotional response to life’s troubles. Just understanding and accepting this principle is a major step in the right direction.
Feelings are feelings, just that. Yes, they are there for good reason—to alert, to make aware, to call to attention to, and give warning, for example. But they are not to master one’s actions or reactions in life. So, for example, the feelings of fear may give warning that I am in danger; nevertheless, fear is not to be the master of my response to that particular danger. I must master my fears, not the other way around.
Therefore, I am responsible for my self—my inner self, my core being. This means that I cannot look to others or to things outside myself to give me the inner peace or to bring me the inner tranquility and equilibrium that I am looking for or longing for. It is up to me. I am responsible for my own actions and reactions to all that happens to me. I am not to blame outside events or other persons for my inner reactions, be they reactions of fear, hurt, anger, sadness, or whatever—stress! They are MY reactions and I must own them as mine, whatever their source may be, or however they may have been triggered within me.
How is this done? Have you ever heard of the “Serenity Prayer”? It goes like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It’s simple yet so profoundly true in its understanding of our need.
First, there are things that we cannot change. Therefore, we must learn to deal with it. And the first step toward properly or adequately “dealing with IT,” that is, that thing that we cannot change, is to accept its reality—to accept the fact that it is beyond our control to stop, change, or make it go away. Much unnecessary stress comes from our unwillingness to accept the fact that there are certain things beyond our control. And so we throw huge emotional fits (stressing) because something has gone terribly wrong, something beyond our control. We cannot always have our way. Yet, we’re stressing because we didn’t get what we wanted. We didn’t get what we planned for or expected or demanded, so we stress! To reduce stress, we must learn to accept those things that we cannot change.
Secondly, we must have the courage to actually make changes where it is within our power to do so. Some changes are difficult, scary, or even painful. So we avoid changing. Then we stress. We stress because we’re unhappy with things as they are, the status quo, but neither do we have the courage to do what’s necessary to make the necessary changes for the better. So we stress. In this case we fail to realize that the stress of doing nothing at all is more burdensome and more damaging to our inner psyche than the temporary stress we may experience by actually doing something about it. When it is in fact well within our power to make the necessary changes for the better, if we are going to reduce stress, we must take action—even if it is frightening to have do so.
And finally, yes there is a judgment call that must be made. But how do we know the difference between those things that are within our power to change and those things that are beyond our control? It’s called wisdom.
The Bible makes it very clear that the beginning of Wisdom is to first have a deep awe-stricken respect for God (“the fear of the Lord”). Hence, reducing stress has a lot to do with who you think is in control. Is it you? Is all of life on your shoulders? Are you carrying the ultimate question of your life in your own hands? Or is God? Or, is it some lower demigod, like the State or some economic institution, or some group of extremely powerful and wealthy wise guys. Who is in charge?
Much stress can be reduced simply be accepting a far greater and superior Being than our human selves, letting God rule. God is good, just, and loving; let God be in charge. Then learn the difference and receive the courage not only to accept what is beyond your control but to make those changes that are within your ability to do so—with God’s help. Yes, stress we will always have. But as in all other things, it is best to have it in moderation and keep it manageable—all with the help of God’s love, mercy, and grace.
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