Planning for Death?

Sounds morbid, doesn’t it.  But it’s wise.  And actually, can be quite healing for the family.

Are you an aging parent in that grandparent/great-grandparent stage of life?  Do you have aging parents?  If so, are you talking about, and planning for the final departure, that inevitable last goodbye?  If not, why not?  Did you know that refusing to talk about one’s inevitable departure upon this earth is not only unwise it can also be quite hurtful to your family?  Hurtful, how so and to whom?

The loved ones you leave behind will be faced with having to make major decisions upon your death, perhaps with little or no time to appropriately process and think about their consequences—if, that is, you have not adequately discussed these things prior to your final departure.

Upon your death, wouldn’t you rather have your family spend precious time together fondly reminiscing and reconnecting, and enjoying each other’s comforting solace, rather than hurrying and scurrying, and worrying about the business aspect of death—what to do with the body, looking for legal documents, wondering about money and expense, and so-on and so-forth?

Your local funeral director can provide a list of information that you need to consider.  You’d be surprised at all the little/major things that a family must think about and decide upon, once a person is pronounced dead.  Depending on the age and cause of death, there are questions of organ donation, burial or cremation, a memorial service versus a funeral service, open or closed casket, how many death certificates to order and why, etc.  It is much, much better if these questions are more or less answered before one’s demise.

Death and dying is a reality of life.  One should neither hide this fact from one’s children nor from one’s self.  Speak both casually about it as well as plan a special family time to discuss important issues and questions about your will, preferences, and desires regarding what is to happen to you or a loved one upon death.

It is not being morose.  It is not being negative.  It is not being rude and inconsiderate of a loved one’s life.  In fact, it is the opposite.  It can perhaps be one of the most considerate and respectful things one can do with someone whose life is on the decline.  Talking openly, respectfully and realistically about one’s impending death can be freeing, releasing, and healing on many levels—relationally, emotionally, and spiritually to name a few.  Individuals who avoid and resist facing the inevitability of the death of a loved one often have the most difficult time with it, both during the dying process as well as afterwards.  Family members need to talk openly about it, in order to adequately deal with it.

Do yourself and your family a favor.  Talk about your final departure, your last goodbye, express what it means to you, including how you want your family to handle your remains.  It’s good, it’s wise, and can be very redemptive and healing for everyone involved as well.